Recently, this photo went viral of a Dad, well, being a Dad...
Awesome, right? Totally adorable, sweet, endearing, and any other synonym you can find to describe this moment. However, what was the best to me about this, more than this incredible Dad who "gets it", was his response. He said, (and I'm paraphrasing), that this should not be shocking or amazing ... That it should be the norm. He was on paternity leave in this picture, and his wife was getting ready. He took on the task, because it's what you do. This man is Doyin Richards, and please visit his blog if you have a chance: daddydoinwork.com.
MY AWESOME HUSBAND.
I've said before that becoming parents made me see my husband in a new way, and has only strengthened my love of him in watching him become a Dad. But the older that Parker gets (she's almost 6-months old now, AHH!!), the more I see him doing, and the more I appreciate how much he loves to be a hands-on Dad.
That's not to say that he wasn't doing a lot before now... He's been hands-on since MINUTE ONE (he cut the cord, quite literally). But I recognize the amount of what he does more now. That comes from hearing and reading stories about Dads who are the opposite of my husband. Dad's who have never gotten up in the middle of the night, Dad's who have never changed a diaper, Dad's who don't know how to give a baby bath... Dad's who think of parenting as the Mom's responsibility. Or Dad's who think that they'll be more involved when their kids are a little older and will remember it more. It may seem like these ideas are antiquated and the minority... But really, based on my observations, they are more normal than we may think.
Well, I am here to say now: DADS! DON'T LET THIS BE YOU!
One of my very favorite stories of my own Dad being a hands-on Dad is a memory that I only know from what I've been told. I was too young to really remember it. But to this day, it means the most to me, because it is solid proof that my Dad was right there in the middle of it from the very beginning.
My parents were working hard to save money when we were very young. My Dad would get up at 4 AM and to go work so that he could come home earlier, and my Mom took the night shift and would work at night. Leaving my Dad to do dinner and bedtime routines with babies. To some men, this would be terrifying. And I am sure that at some point, it may have been for my Dad, as well. Father's don't have the "maternal instinct" that kicks in like mothers do. And that's okay, as long as they realize that it is a skill that must be honed, just like anything else. I DIGRESS...
Because my Dad was in charge from around 5 PM up until bedtime, he became very skilled at everything that went on in the evening routine. One of those tasks, being a father of 2 little girls, was painting nails! Apparently, when we were little, my mom had offered to paint our nails. Our response to my mother, "Mom, do you know how to paint fingernails?!" ..... ;)
It might not have been instinctual, but it became the norm. My Dad was very hands-on. He is absolutely one of those guys that you look at and say "Awwww...." when he's holding a baby, because he's just so comfortable doing it.
And to make Freud proud, when looking for a husband, that is subconsciously a trait that I was looking for. Fortunately for me - I found that in my husband. I remember hearing stories early on about how he was comfortable with little kids. Matt says, "Little kids and puppies". Basically, all things baby. He loved them, he wasn't scared of them, he wanted them of his own. That was something I was looking for, it was something I found, and it's something I am blessed to live with on a daily basis.
WHAT DOES HE DO TO MAKE HIM SO AWESOME?
Matt has a crazy job. He works in the freight forwarding/logistics business, which means that his job really never ends. He's been known to be on the phone at all hours of the day, or up at ridiculous hours of the early morning checking on shipments ... This was a bit of a red flag for me, because he also comes fully equipped with a work ethic that I love and share; but that means that he's willing to put in the time and effort to get the job done. I was worried that he wouldn't be able to find a way to split his time between work and family so that he could give his family the time I felt he needed to give in order to be present and impactful to his kids.
Well, to say that in the early months it was easy, would be a lie... It wasn't. I was dealing with a weird transition post-partum, but so was Matt. His transition was just in a different way, which I didn't always give him enough credit for. We had many discussions about what his role would be, and what his "home" responsibilities would be. It was tough to find a way to make it all work. And then it just clicked.
First of all, while I was nursing, Matt didn't use that as an excuse to sleep through the night while I woke up 4-10 times to feed P. He would get up with me. He would go get her, change her diaper, and bring her out to me, while I got myself all prepped to feed. He has an uncanny ability (which I am SUPER envious of) to fall asleep in a matter of seconds.
No joke: I will literally be mid-sentence and look over after 5 words and he's passed out and snoring. It's truly not fair.
So he knew that even if he was getting up for those 5 or so minutes that it took to do what he did, that I'd be up even longer feeding her, and he would immediately go back to sleep once his head hit the pillow. He shared the pain. When we were in the hospital, I didn't change a single diaper. Matt did every single one of them. He got in plenty of real-life practice, because he changed every newborn dirty diaper for 3 straight days right after she was born. He recognizes when I am at my wit's end and I need a break... and he gives that to me. He is comfortable with her, he knows what to do, and he's more than willing to jump in and take care of it. I may be revoking his "man-card" in saying this, but he even uses the word "cute" on a fairly consistent basis in regard to Parker's mannerisms and ... her clothes ;) I think he really enjoys picking out her outfits, and feels quite proud when he picks an awesome one.
I. LOVE. IT.
6-MONTHS IN...
Every day, Matt wakes up and immediately gets Parker. One of his favorite parts of the day is getting to be the first one to see her, because she is quite adorable and hilarious first thing in the morning. He gets her out of bed, changes her, and then they hang out in our bathroom together while he starts to get ready for work. He gives me a bit of time to get moving (because I am NOT a morning person), to make her bottle, to make the coffee... And I go grab her when I have it all together.
As soon as he gets home from work, he's in Dad Mode. He greets everyone (usually dogs first, because they bum-rush him at the door and are frantic if he doesn't acknowledge them immediately), and then takes over. He plays, he's now feeding her food at dinner time, he gives her a bath, puts her PJ's on, gives her a bedtime bottle, and puts her to bed. That's a very special time of day, because it's all about Daddy-Parker bonding. Yes, I do it when he's home late or out of town, but 99.9% of the time: it's all Matt. And I'm not sure that he'd have it any other way.
Most nights, I have to convince him to put Parker in her crib. She always falls asleep in his arms. I look over and catch him just staring at her. Because I am an emotional basket case these days, it usually makes me tear up (I even am a little bit as I write this!), because I can see just in those short glances and simple, sweet moments, how much he loves this tiny person that is ours.
FINAL THOUGHTS.
Everyone realizes as they grow up just how important a Dad is. To both boys and girls. A father, or a morally strong and constant male presence, is critical for kids. This is not at all to say that women can't be just as strong a presence, or that they cannot fill the void. But, there is something so different about the presence of a burly and calming man to make a kid feel safe.
My dogs react differently to Matt than they do me. My baby reacts differently to Matt than she does me. Parker acts differently with my Dad, with Matt's Dad, with my Grandfather, than she does when any other woman is holding her. It's not a political statement. It's not me saying that the antiquated male/female roles of the 50s are where it's at. IT'S BIOLOGICAL. We are not the same. And that's a good thing.
This post is not an attack on single parents. This post is not an attack on Dad's who don't play such an involved role. This post is not an attack on non-traditional family situations. This post is a tribute to the Dad's who are hands-on. Who see and value the importance of their role in their children's lives. Who are taking the time and effort to create a relationship with their kids, knowing that they are the man their sons will emulate, and the man their daughters will compare every other man to. They understand how valuable that is, and take advantage in the best way.
MOST IMPORTANTLY: this post is my way of putting in to lots of words how thankful I am to have the husband that I have. I cannot imagine doing this without him. We even both just said this morning, I COULD... I am capable. But I wouldn't want to. Watching him embrace his role as a Dad, to enjoy it, to FIND the joy in it, and to strengthen it every day... melts my heart and brings out a love for him that I never knew possible.
One day, when Parker is older, she is going to love hearing stories about her hilarious bath times with Dad. About their conversations in their crazy dinosaur/muppet sounding language that only the two of them can understand. About how I would look over at them on the couch, and catch him staring at her. And she will know that she is loved. She will know that she is protected. She will know that she has always had, and always will have, a man that she can count on to support her and stand by her side, for the rest of her life. Her standards will be pretty high ... So this is fair warning to all future romantic prospects. ;)
She may only be 6-months old right now (almost!), but he is already setting that tone. He is already building that trust, that relationship... And that to me, is the most romantic and beautiful thing I could ever imagine.
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