Today's Thoughts: The Golden Rule

I have been struggling a lot recently. Questioning... Finding it hard to put my thoughts into words. I had to take a step back, do some serious "soul-searching", and really think about some heavy hitting topics. I even took a little mini-vacay from Facebook because I couldn't stand to read the hate and ugliness that was being tossed around so frivolously. Just this evening as I was visiting with my family, I found it very difficult to verbalize my thoughts, which is not a predicament I find myself in often... And then on my drive home, with my sweet baby girl snuggly and sleeping in the back seat, I turned off the radio and drove in silence for a while. That's when it hit me: THE GOLDEN RULE.

There is a very clear reason to me now why I have taken things so personally as of late. I can't understand why everyone is so quick to snap judgement on anyone who thinks differently than they do. I don't understand how people who consider themselves friends can so carelessly post such cruel comments and tear each other down, over something that none of us really even understand.

My sudden epiphany requires a bit of a back story.

I grew up being raised Catholic. Went to Catholic church my entire life, went through all of the sacraments, and at a certain point in high school, made the realization that the particular church we went to was full of more hypocrites than truly honorable and faithful followers. We stopped going to church for a while then. When I went to college I tried to go on my own one or two times, but did not try very hard because it never "stuck". But deep down, I have always felt a very strong connection to my Catholic upbringing. I don't necessarily agree with everything that is taught, but I LOVE the history of the religion. I love the tradition. I love attending Mass and feeling like I am a part of something bigger than myself. I really love knowing that despite my being a "bad Catholic" ... it is a part of me that I am not willing to give up.

I'd like to think that even though I may only go to church on Christmas and Easter, I try to live my life with the morals that church gave me. I try to be a good person, I try to give to others as often as I can, I try to love all of God's creatures, even my enemies, because a life full of selfless love is a full life. It took me a long time to get to this point. My hands are unclean, I strayed often and still do. But I try.

Now - part of what has really made me feel personally targeted as of late, is because of those feelings and beliefs that I have described above. Does any of that sound bad to you? Does my background in Catholicism rub you the wrong way? Do you think that because I am a Christian that automatically makes me a bigot, a hater of the gay community, a conservative, "stick-up-my-butt", intolerant and in general worthless human being?

Because if you had read some of the things that I have read recently, that's what you'd think, too.

Here's reality:

I am and will continue to be a very faithful person. I am not ashamed of that part of my life, I am proud of it and plan to raise my children to know the same. But I was not raised by parents who thought that being Catholic gave me the right to place judgement on anyone for being different, in any way at all. I was taught to take the goodness of my religious education and to LIVE this rule every day of my life:

DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU.

Ring a bell? The Golden Rule? Where did this one go?

That right there is why I have been struggling to comprehend what has happened in our social media world over the past several days. To me, actions will always speak louder than words, but use those words incorrectly and you will find yourself in a world of trouble. So tell me, when did we forget to treat others how we would like to be treated? If you want to be treated well, do well to others. Seems too simple? 

THAT'S JUST IT - it really is that simple. Treat others the way that you want to be treated. Do right to others and they will do right to you. There was even a super sad/extremely inspiring movie starring a young Haley Joel Osment to emphasize this very concept (Pay It Forward... HOT Helen Hunt alert!, FYI...). 

Regardless of my upbringing, I have never looked at another person and thought that because of the color of their skin, the capacity of their mind, their gender, their sexual orientation, ANY difference that they may have physically or not, that they were less than me. I treat everyone the way that I want to be treated. I try to put as much good out there as I can with the hope that one day that will all be returned to me. In my imaginative mind I love to think of what the world would be like if we all remembered this rule and tried to live it out every day. 

This is why I have struggled. I have been very bothered by the behaviors I have seen, by the words I have read, and by the lack of compassion for humanity. We DO NOT all need to believe the same things. We DO NOT all have to agree on every topic. That would be boring. But... we DO need to try to be more kind, less judgmental, and more aware. We all need to learn to take a step back and breathe before quickly responding with truly hateful words. 

Do I live this as often as I would like to? No. Again, I am not perfect; my hands are unclean. But I try.

SO I pose a challenge to everyone who happens to read this... In the spirit of the holidays, let's all make an effort to live by The Golden Rule. Try it out for a few days. Speak to someone you disagree with in a less aggressive manner. Show compassion to an enemy. Do something you would not normally do. For the good of someone other than yourself. Just give it a try. 

The outcome is bigger than anything we could possibly hope for.

'Tis the season.

Today's Thoughts: Quack, Quack.

So, I couldn't let this one go untouched...

In light of the very recent "Duck Dynasty Controversy", I decided that it was time for me to put my thoughts into a post regarding what has happened with our society and it's ability to openly and publicly share thoughts and opinions about anything and everything that is on our minds. Look at me here, writing a blog post. Who knows who all this will reach, but more than one person is likely to read this, and therefore, know how I feel about a certain topic. Which, before the world of social media, no one would have known without having a face-to-face conversation with me... But alas, here I find myself blogging about what has happened, and how I feel. And unashamed to do so.

I am going to try very hard to not share my personal beliefs on any particular subject matter that I address in this post, but to rather remain objective in the grander scheme of things: the loss of Free Speech and the ease of disagreeing.

Something I mentioned in my post about Santa vs. Jesus was that I feel that you (as in, the general public) should not "push" your opinions on people who clearly differ in theirs. I still hold strongly to that statement. Part of what makes the good ole US of A such an amazing country to live in, is the fact that so many different types of people with so many different beliefs can coexist, be friends, and all live within reach of each other, without being persecuted for those differences. Well, until recently that is... I feel like somewhere along the way, the phrase "Politically Correct" started to get thrown around far too often, and people became afraid to share how they really felt. Either that, or the polar opposite, and they shared how they really felt and then were possibly torn down for it. Regardless, it is a lose-lose situation. You find yourself with this "need" to share information immediately. To let the world know how you feel, what you are doing, what you think about, etc. etc. Again, I am trying to remain objective here because I am 100% guilty of doing all of the above (especially when it comes to sharing pictures of my insanely adorable daughter... which I do constantly and without any guilt!). BUT EVEN THAT! I've received serious fodder from "friends" who do not have kids and have told me that the constant baby pics are annoying. Really? REALLY? Would you rather see my plates of food or my babies new hairbows? I mean, come on...

I digress.

I have found myself in what I refer to as "Keyboard Arguments" with people I don't even know via Facebook posts because I get so worked up with comments they have made and how they are, without paying attention to context or who originally made the post, relentlessly prodding and poking and trying to start arguments simply because they do not agree. DISAGREEING IS A GOOD THING. If we all believed the same thing, if we were all FORCED to believe the same thing, we would not be the country that we are: we would not have the FREEDOM OF SPEECH, we wouldn't be a "melting pot", and people wouldn't immigrate to the US in search of the "American Dream". It is one of the biggest selling points of this great nation. We seem to be forgetting that, and we seem to be in constant fear of offending someone so that we find ourselves following the herd so we don't ruffle the feathers.

I say... Ruffle those feathers! Shake it up! I am not going to share whether or not I agree or disagree with Phil Robertson, because that is not the point of this post. But I am going to say this: HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED DUCK DYNASTY? What else would you expect him to say? This should not be surprising, and A&E should not have reacted the way that they did. Yes - his beliefs are a direct opposition to the beliefs of a community and their lifestyle. I don't agree with vegetarians, because I love my meat, but does that mean that I should put all of my veggie friendly friends on "indefinite hiatus" because I don't agree with their lifestyle? I mean come on, the US exists because it's founders disagreed with popular opinion.

"Doing what's right isn't always popular." Not that I am saying what he did was right. But I absolutely think that punishing a person who has achieved reality TV fame for his strong Christian beliefs and his Christian lifestyle... You knew what you were getting in to when you asked him that question, GQ.

Now here is the less specific to Duck Dynasty part of this post...

I love the fact that people can share the thoughts and opinions so openly. I love it, and I do it daily. What I don't love is the extreme negativity that this brings about. I don't love the fact that it encourages folks to carelessly spew hate because they simply do not agree with what was posted or what was said. The beauty of the internet: you don't have to read it if you don't agree with it. You don't like what so-and-so has said? Don't read it. You don't like what they stand for? Don't watch it. But don't think that by retorting your own position on a topic, with cruel language and lack of imagination in use of vocabulary (how many times can you use the "F" word until you realize it's just lost it's luster...), is going to do any good for anyone.

What has happened that makes me sad: we are no longer embracing the differences in each other like we used to. In an attempt to make society "more tolerant" we have done the exact opposite. We have created ignorance and serious intolerance for any and every person whom we disagree with. We look for ways to "force" others to believe what we believe, instead of accepting that not everyone is going to do so. Without differences, in all aspects of our lives, we would be an unrecognizable country. "Fundamentally" different if you will.... ;)

I love the fact that I surround myself with folks of different lifestyle choices. I learn from them all the time. I am able to then form my own opinions because I openly accept people for who they are. I do not place judgement, I try to remain open-minded, and I love having civil, intelligent discussions with someone that disagrees with me. It allows for constant education outside the classroom. I have my own beliefs, my own opinions, my own lifestyle choices... But I won't try to force someone to embrace them as their own when they clearly have made their own different choices.

When we can stop tearing each other down, we can start building each other up. Only then will we become tolerant and embrace those around us for who they are and the choices we've made. Take things at face value, realize that our differences are what make us great, and instead of forcing everyone to fit into this "politically correct mold" of a human, allow us to find our own way. We will not always agree, and that is absolutely okay.

Going back and "proof-reading" what I've written above, I'm not sure that my thoughts make complete sense or if I seem to be going in circles... But ultimately, tolerance is something that has to be learned. Live it. Embrace our differences. Learn something by having a conversation with someone rather than shoving your opinion down their throat. Know that you may walk away still disagreeing, and that you have the freedom to do so. If we didn't offend people every now and then, we'd never move forward and grow as individuals.

Today's Thoughts: Santa vs. Jesus

So the title of this post is deceptively controversial... My position on this is really pretty neutral, and not quite as over-the-top opinionated as I can be on other topics. But my mom and I were in the car running errands a couple days ago, and had a discussion that really made me think.

As soon as we saw December 1st on the calendar, several of the blogs and Facebook groups I follow made posts along the lines of, "Keep Christ in Christmas!" or other similar statements, and it made me think about my childhood, and if I ever thought about it in terms of Santa vs. Jesus. One particular blogger that I follow, whom I generally agree with 100% of the time, majorly rubbed me the wrong way with his post about Christmas and feeling that Christians need to remove the "sensationalized and commercialized" idea of Santa from the holiday season. This confused me. It kind of relates to another topic, which I will save for another day, about how I don't think you should "shove" your beliefs on someone who clearly differs in theirs. But... That's definitely a discussion that requires it's own post. ANYWAY... Why can't there be both? Why can't you explain the meaning of Christmas and Santa Clause in such a way that your children still understand the "true" spirit of the holidays? To me and my family, a word to describe that spirit would be GIVING.

I told my mom about this post that I read. I was upset at the fact that there were so many people who take Santa out of Christmas. My mom asked me if I had started to think about how I would explain all of this to Parker when she gets old enough to understand. My reply, I will explain it almost verbatim to how it was explained to me when I grew up... My kids will always know what Christmas represents in terms of Jesus's birth. We will read the story of Christmas in the Bible, we will attend Christmas/Christmas Eve church service, and they will be able to explain it to others if asked. They will also know that Santa Clause helps to represent the spirit and the meaning of Christmas, but not in a materialistic way. Santa, to me, has always represented Saint Nicholas, possibly because I grew up Catholic? Not sure, but that's just how it was explained to me. Folklore surrounding Saint Nick are stories about his secret gift-giving, helping people in need, and performing miracles. His "day" is December 6, and therefore, his spirit of good will carries into the Christmas season. He is the model for and the namesake of Santa Clause. So how is that a bad thing?

It seems simple to me how to relate the two: GIVING. This does not have to mean going out and spending boo-coos of bucks on gifts for people, and it also does not have to mean asking for tons and tons of presents. It means finding ways, however you can, to give to others. While I was growing up, my family ALWAYS made a point to find special ways to give back during the holidays. We are, by nature, fairly philanthropic people... My mom has been given several awards for her volunteer efforts throughout her life :) (I am a proud daughter and love the example she set for us!). But some of my absolute favorite Christmas memories are of my family spending time together, giving to other families and helping spread the spirit. I got presents, sure. I always waited for Santa, and anyone who knows me can tell you, I was (and possibly still am) that annoying kid who spent the entire month of December searching for my presents. But I don't remember what I got. I don't remember opening gifts. I do have very clear memories of working with an organization called "Scotty's Gifts" and buying presents and all of the ingredients for a full Christmas dinner for entire families. I remember my dad dressing up like Santa, driving his truck to these family's homes on Christmas Eve, and delivering the goods. I remember getting hugs from these sweet kids, the parents, and how amazing it felt knowing that I contributed to their holiday in a way that they were not able to.

I remember being much younger and going into a grocery store, running to their giant tree covered in "Angel Tree" ornaments, and searching for a kid who was close to my age. I remember looking at their list, and begging my mom to get them just one more gift! Those are the Christmas memories that mean the most to me.

I was very lucky growing up to have a family who could provide for me all of the things that I needed, but more so the things that I wanted. My life was pretty sweet. But that never stopped my parents from making sure that we knew what the holidays were really about. Now that my family has experienced a major financial hardship the past 5 years, we are not able to give each other those things that we want. We are limited in regard to our personal gift giving. But guess what - we still find ways to give back to others. Because that's what it is all about.

So in an attempt to conclude my ramblings today... here is what I will explain to Parker, and my future children: Santa and Jesus and Christmas. Each comes with their own story of why they are important and why they are represented during the month of December. But all of this also represents a much bigger picture, the spirit of giving. I will make sure they know the Biblical stories, and I will make sure they know of Saint Nicholas and how he became Santa Clause. I will always make sure my family finds ways to give to others, and that my children understand that this is more important than any gift under their own tree.

I do not think that you should take either Santa or Jesus away from your explanation of Christmas. I can't imagine a Christmas without Santa, but that's just me. I think, as with most things in life, it's all in how you present the information. If you read this and when you finish think, "Jenna you are so wrong and you don't know what you're talking about!" That's totally fine by me. My point in writing this is not to offend, and most definitely not to push what I believe on anyone else. It's just to put my position out there, and maybe generate a little Christmas spirit :)

Now - I am off to find my Angel Tree baby and gather up some gifts! Enjoy the holidays.

Today's thoughts: Post-Baby Body

I try very hard to continue a positive outlook on the future of my post-baby body. However, like most of the world right now, I have very little patience and am an "instant gratification" junkie. Having a baby will test your patience in ways you cannot imagine; including waiting for your body to return to normal.

I wish that I could say I blame it solely on the media's reporting of celebrity women who INSTANTLY pop back to a size 0 within weeks of having a baby... But that's just not the case. The fact of the matter is, we (women) for some reason, have placed an unreasonably challenging standard on ourselves. In reality, we are not all genetically blessed to lose weight quickly. We don't all have constant outside help to exercise hours a day, prepare healthy meals, and care for a newborn. This has been made to seem like it is how a majority of the new mom world lives, but, hate to break it to ya, it's an illusion!

I look at myself in the mirror every day and wonder how I "let" my body get this way. And usually, it's my wonderful and very understanding (and smart!) husband who tells me to get over it - because I had a baby. I grew life inside of my body. I'm not sure that my organs are even fully back in place, but I feel like 3.5 months out and my body should be back to normal already. WRONG! Every woman is different. Every pregnancy is different, every delivery is different, and everyone's "4th trimester" is different.

I have known my entire life that my family struggles with weight. Both sides of my family have a very easy time gaining weight, and an incredibly difficult time losing it. Is why I was an athlete and very active a majority of my life. But I was never stick-skinny. Even when I was competitively swimming 6+ hours a day, I was always very healthy, but what most would refer to as "athletic" or "stocky" in my build. Big thighs, big butts, big hips, broad shoulders... and I am only 5'1". Makes carrying extra weight more of a challenge, and looks a lot different on me, too. So, when I became pregnant, I exercised my butt off. I went after it more so in the beginning, and then the inevitable exhaustion of the third trimester set in and I exercised as much as I could. Not to mention, my third trimester was during the miserable heat of a Texas summer... I walked malls, I did my preggo workout DVD's in my living room, and I did what I could. I still ended up gaining close to 45 lbs by the end of it.

What they don't tell you about baby weight: you don't just gain L-B's. I probably added close to 8 inches in my hips, which were already big for my frame. My rib cage is wider, which resulted in me having to get resized for bras... My shoulders are more broad - a lot of my shirts and jackets which now fit me again elsewhere, are still really tight on my shoulders. Everything about my body is DIFFERENT, aside from just gaining weight.

Like I said before, I wish I could just blame Hollywood for unrealistic expectations, but that is just not true. I put WAY more pressure on myself than anyone else does. I have several friends who are genetically blessed. 6-weeks post delivery and they were back in their pre-pregnancy clothes. I am my own worst enemy, because I constantly compare myself to people who are just flat out built differently than I am. I thought that is just the way it should be and that I was doing something terribly wrong if I wasn't back to normal a month and a half after popping out a baby. Idiot. Why is it so easy to accept that everyone looks different while pregnant, but that we should all react the same after the baby arrives?

Funny thing is: my husband doesn't care. Sure he wishes he could have his smokin' hot wife back. But he realizes that it took 9-months for my body to get the way that it was. And he even gives me more time than that. He tells me all the time, "Give yourself a year. If by this time next year you're still complaining and not back in your regular clothes, then you've got problems. Not 3 months after giving birth." He's amazing, have I ever mentioned that before? If he gets it, and he loves me, and still thinks I am as beautiful as the day he met me, then why do I care about what anyone else thinks?

I figured it out last night as I was crying in my closet that I don't have any dresses to wear to my husbands company Christmas party... To look like I don't have my shit together 3 months after delivery for some reason, represents failure to me. It represents that I don't take care of myself, or that I don't give a crap about taking care of myself. It represents that I am not Super Mom. It represents that I can't do it all, that I have no control over my life, and that I must be lazy because now I am a Stay at Home Mom and what on earth must I be doing all day if I don't have a crazy rockin' body by now?! HOLD THE PHONE... REALITY CHECK, FOLKS! I have a baby. She is 100% reliant on me. She can't move from room to room on her own. She can't feed herself. She can't change her own clothes, her own diapers, she can't bathe herself, she can't swaddle herself, she can't get into bed on her own, she can't make a bottle, she can't do ANYTHING without me. And I don't have anyone else helping me around the clock. It's just me, my fur babies, and little P. 24/7. I don't drop her off for someone else to deal with. I don't have a nanny, I don't have a cleaning lady... I am the chauffeur, I am the chef, I am the cleaning service, I am the event planner, I am the caretaker, I am the dog walker, I am the nanny, I am the entertainer, I am the personal shopper, I am the dish washer, I am the laundress, I am everything to this little girl, to my household, and to my family.

And somewhere in there I am supposed to find time to get 60 uninterrupted minutes daily, to myself, to exercise? Not likely.

Yes, Parker takes longer naps now. But guess what I use that time for? All of the above mentioned responsibilities that don't directly relate to the care of a baby.

When I look at the list of everything that I do now, I am kindly reminded that the fact that I don't have to wear my maternity jeans anymore is a big accomplishment, even if my regular jeans are still two sizes too big. Sure my bras are bigger, but who doesn't love bigger boobs! Yes, I don't have time to go lay blissfully in a tanning bed 3 times a week, but apparently melanoma isn't all it's cracked up to be, anyway. Am I physically the same person I was before Parker was amazingly brought into this world? Hell no. I am better.

I have an extremely well-adjusted little girl. She is gorgeous, she is happy, she is healthy, she is so damn smart, and she is perfect. I made her. That is my top priority. Do I care about how I look? Absolutely. But not as much as I care about raising a morally sound and independent little lady.

So to those who have come before me, who are right along side me, or who are following in my footsteps... Motherhood is SO much more than getting your post-baby body back. It is sad that the focus somehow shifts from how amazing your baby is to "How She Got Her Body Back Just 2 Weeks After Baby!" Because baby is now #1. For the rest of my life, I come second. Even if it means taking an entire year to get my body back.

Now let's see if I can practice what I preach ;)

And just in case I don't express my opinion well enough... Read this for encouragement!

And I'm back in the game!

I'M BAAACCCKKK!....

Took a blogging hiatus what with the birth of my first child and all. Who would have thought that these tiny humans require so much time, energy, and attention? Geesh! But now that my precious, amazing and PERFECT bundle of joy is 3 months old, I decided to rehash the old need to write and get the blog back up and running.

I started my own blog a long time ago. And since it began, this has served many different functions; all changing based on what was going on with my life at the time. So instead of constantly changing the theme, the title, the link name... I decided to make a change once and for all. This lovely and insightful blog will now serve as a writing tool for WHATEVER is on my mind! Covering topics from exercise, to crafting, to baby poop (yes - that is my life now)... anything and everything that I am working on or doing.

Right now - I am a "Stay at home mom in transition". I am IN LOVE with the fact that I get to stay home and raise my beautiful daughter every day. I am elated that my husband works his butt off so that we can continue this lifestyle as long as possible. I find more enjoyment in watching my baby girl meeting and surpassing her little baby milestones than I ever thought possible. But, I struggle constantly with the fact that this job is a pretty thankless one. I do not get financially compensated for keeping house, raising kids, and caring for our fur-babies. I receive validation in the fact that everyone is still alive and on occasion my house is clean, but it is very different. This is hands down the most difficult job I have ever had, because it NEVER stops. I don't get to "come home" and relax after a long day at the office. My home is my office. My work surrounds me 24/7 and it's really difficult to get time off. The boss isn't very likely to give me a day off, even with advanced notice ... Baby is the boss in this case ;) This is always what I wanted - to stay at home with my kids until they were in school full time, and then go back to work. But I had no clue what to expect in staying at home. It's a wild ride!

Since Parker was born I have gone back and forth trying to decide what I want to do... Go back to work or not? My degree is a BFA in Theatre Studies. That basically means that I spent my entire undergraduate life learning how to become a theatre teacher. Which I was for 5 wonderful years, and I loved that career path more than I can express... But that is somewhat limiting, and I have interests in so many different creative fields. I am working to find what interests me most, or at least enough to do every day :) One thing I have discovered: I will be going in to business for myself. Whenever that happens, and however it happens, I will be my own boss.

So stay tuned for the thought-provoking blurbs that come straight from my brain, to fingertips, to small screen. For now, I leave you with this... The cutest baby on the face of the planet, my pride and joy, Parker T. :)