That is the question!
I've been debating this issue for a good long while now, and still feel much too conflicted to officially make a decision. I feel like this is the most challenging choice I've ever been faced with. And while I feel blessed to have the opportunity to make this decision, I would really rather not!
I have had a job since I was 16 years old. That's 11 years of working to make my own money, to support myself, and to have the security of having a job. The reason why I feel like this is so difficult, is because I have not yet figured out that as a wife and mother, that alone can be my job. That it may not mean financial security, but it is still providing for my family in the most important way. And while it's very easy for me to type that out - I can't wrap my mind around it enough to actually let it play out in real time!
It is absolutely terrifying for me to think about not having a job... Being pregnant during the summer doesn't make it any better; I have no set schedule, I get bored and lonely often, and more now than usual because we've moved farther away from my family and friends. To me that translates into what my life will be like if I stay home from work. However, I have no idea what it will be like with a baby here. I am hoping that I will be more motivated to find activities and ways to stay busy when I am not feeling like a lazy pregnant mess all of the time! But it's such unknown territory that all I can do is be scared of it.
I have until Friday to make my final decision. I have to resign from my teaching position 45 days before the first day of school, and that is this Friday. I am running out of time - and the pressure is making me second guess my decision every time I think I have made up my mind. I will keep everyone posted on the final choice - and your thoughts and prayers are most welcome!!
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